My Fears

Assalamualaikum (Peace be upon you),

I fear a number of things and in no particular order, I'd like to share some with you...

...I'm in the midst of reading my chapters again for the umpteenth time. After working on them for three years and a few months more, there's a point where I get tired of reading them. It's not because their arguments appear valid or they're supposedly well-written; I fear the longer I read them, the less likely someone else will. If Allah wills me to die tomorrow, I wonder what will happen to these papers, these points and sentences...So I thought of some of my other fears:

I fear I do things not because of Allah, but of others; I fear I will lose the points I gained, or did I ever really gained them?

I fear I will look back when I'm 60 (if I get there), regretting the lack of trying in my younger years.

I fear I made mistakes I can never correct. For some, I hope coincidentally they somehow read this post, and would forgive me then.

I fear I may or had dissappointed my parents once-upon-a-time; I pray they'd never be accounted for.

I fear my aging laptop monitor goes blank, and I forgot to save. What would become of my sentences? They had once existed, read by one but never many...if Allah wills.

Peace,
Umar